Lately,

Ive been shutting so many people out. And its not that I dont want to be friends with them, or that Im mad at them. Its more like Im finally coming to terms with the fact that I dont need them. And some of them are people I called my best friends. I dont know.

I started making friends with the same morals and same values as me, and all of a sudden they became more interesting. And Im not saying I dont like people that do drugs or drink, thats not it at all. What Im saying is, once I found people that dont have to drink or smoke to have fun, I started having fun.

Trailing behind while people are smoking isnt always fun.
Watching people smoke isnt always fun.
Sitting in the car with people smoking isnt always fun.
Actually, its never fun.

I still value and care about my friends that smoke and drink, I really do. But I would rather invest my time in people that are willing to invest their time in me, and not the next party.

I cant even begin to tell you how many times my so called "best friend" has ditched me to go party. And I just sit quietly, and dont complain. Mainly because I dont want to start a bunch of shit, because everyone will sooner turn their backs on me, and whats life with no friends, right? I should have said something, I should have stood up for myself, and to be honest I should have just stopped making plans with her. Eventually I did. I pretty much just gave up on our friendship. I still call her my best friend, but its obvious theres a void and a lot of tension between us. I dont trust her, I dont confide in her. The last time I truly felt that we were best friends, and that maybe I could trust her, was when she called me about her boyfriend, and she was crying. My heart broke, and I tried as hard as I could to help her. But once the problem was fixed, I sunk back in to nothing. Its like she only cares when she needs something.
I mean, what are best friends for, right?

Ive dropped so many people over this past year, and Ive let people drop me.
The only time it really hurt was when it was my best friend.




I made a few new friends, have a great boyfriend, and my life is going a hell of a lot better than it was when I kept the company i did. Im happy for a change, genuinely happy. I dont ever feel like Im compromising what I feel is right, and no one even asks me to.
I feel a lot more secure in the friends I have now. Im not walking on egg shells, or pining for acceptance from them. I dont feel like I need to smoke or drink to be their friend.

Losing one best friend only resulted in me gaining 2.
And they both actually give 2 shits about me when something happens.



None of this made sense, haha.