Just cause you smoke weed, doesnt make you close to god.

I really hate when people who smoke weed think they're philosophers, buddhists, and connected in a more spiritual sense than non smokers. If I had a nickel for every time I ran into a Buddhist pot head, I'd be damn rich.


Ive listened to some pot heads talk (while sober) and some of the shit that comes out of their mouths you would not believe. And usually, they think they're being philosophical. No. You arent. Yes, weed can produce philosophical and creative thinking in SOME PEOPLE, but just because you are smoking weed, doesnt automatically make you a philosopher. So stop assuming every damn thing you say is amazing. All the pot heads I know that claim to be philosophers, have never said a damn thing smart, creative, or meaningful. Its always "this would solve the worlds problems. Everyone should smoke more weed.", or "hey anyone got more weed?", or "hey lets all run away together and move to a country where weed is legal."
Yes, I have had an encounter ONE TIME with someone, and something he said was really awesome. But everything else was shit. Hey, I can make a philosophical statement here and there, but I dont claim to be a damn philosopher.

Definition of philosophy: Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems concerning matters such as existence, knowledge, truth, beauty, law, justice, validity, mind, and language.

I'll add to this later, Im much too tired right now.

I hate being underappreciated

fairweather friends, ftw.
Seems like thats all I have. Almost.

Lately,

Ive been shutting so many people out. And its not that I dont want to be friends with them, or that Im mad at them. Its more like Im finally coming to terms with the fact that I dont need them. And some of them are people I called my best friends. I dont know.

I started making friends with the same morals and same values as me, and all of a sudden they became more interesting. And Im not saying I dont like people that do drugs or drink, thats not it at all. What Im saying is, once I found people that dont have to drink or smoke to have fun, I started having fun.

Trailing behind while people are smoking isnt always fun.
Watching people smoke isnt always fun.
Sitting in the car with people smoking isnt always fun.
Actually, its never fun.

I still value and care about my friends that smoke and drink, I really do. But I would rather invest my time in people that are willing to invest their time in me, and not the next party.

I cant even begin to tell you how many times my so called "best friend" has ditched me to go party. And I just sit quietly, and dont complain. Mainly because I dont want to start a bunch of shit, because everyone will sooner turn their backs on me, and whats life with no friends, right? I should have said something, I should have stood up for myself, and to be honest I should have just stopped making plans with her. Eventually I did. I pretty much just gave up on our friendship. I still call her my best friend, but its obvious theres a void and a lot of tension between us. I dont trust her, I dont confide in her. The last time I truly felt that we were best friends, and that maybe I could trust her, was when she called me about her boyfriend, and she was crying. My heart broke, and I tried as hard as I could to help her. But once the problem was fixed, I sunk back in to nothing. Its like she only cares when she needs something.
I mean, what are best friends for, right?

Ive dropped so many people over this past year, and Ive let people drop me.
The only time it really hurt was when it was my best friend.




I made a few new friends, have a great boyfriend, and my life is going a hell of a lot better than it was when I kept the company i did. Im happy for a change, genuinely happy. I dont ever feel like Im compromising what I feel is right, and no one even asks me to.
I feel a lot more secure in the friends I have now. Im not walking on egg shells, or pining for acceptance from them. I dont feel like I need to smoke or drink to be their friend.

Losing one best friend only resulted in me gaining 2.
And they both actually give 2 shits about me when something happens.



None of this made sense, haha.

I almost wish I never had anything to say

But nothing is that easy and Im a person with a whole lot of opinions.
I never run out of things to talk about.

My intentions are usually good. I never go into anything wanting to hurt someone or make someone feel bad. Of course, that isnt true. In certain circumstances, I want to make certain people writhe and squirm. But I dont unless they fully deserve it.
This is off topic anyways.

Just to start off, this isnt meant to hurt anyones feelings or make anyone squirm. This is meant for me to vent and get shit off my chest. I keep too much stuff in and I need an outlet.
Ergo, a blog.
All of this is off subject, and I should probably get on with what I want to vent about.
Which just so happens to be my boyfriend.
And Im not saying hes a bad boyfriend, dont get me wrong. I love him with all of my heart, he means the world to me. But sometimes, certain things he does and says get to me and hit me where it hurts.
Ergo, my ranting.

TO START OFF WITH I should probably make it known that I am very very VERY against drinking. I hate it. It makes me sick to my stomach and it makes people look like trashy idiots. Thats my opinion, dont use it against me.

My boyfriend is very well aware of my thoughts and feelings on drinking. Very aware. Im pretty sure I bitch about it on a regular basis. And being that my current state isnt necessarily stable (emotionally that is, I am a female gimme a break) you would think he would take me into consideration before making plans.

Wrong.
Very wrong.

He thinks that just because he called me to tell me he was drinking, thats taking me into consideration. He knows drinking upsets me, he knows it worries me, and he knows it stresses me out. And he knows Im not in the best position at this point, you would think that he would be like "Hey maybe I shouldnt do this"

Wrong again.

Instead, he proceeds to get drunk. Cool right? NO. DRINKING IS STUPID.

OH AND ALSO. you told me there were no girls there. And then you tell me that "The girl that was there told me to take off my shorts and give them to her and I told her to fuck off".
so there werent any girls there?

Yenno, maybe if I was there to watch him and make sure he was ok, I would be ok with it. But Im not there, Im an hour away. And he says "Im ok, I didnt do anything wrong"
YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG?!
NOTHING?!
You cant think of anything YOU POSSIBLY DID WRONG?
Hmm let me think.
You got drunk, knowing very well you were going to 1)hurt me 2)make me worry 3)upset me and 4)turn me into more of a wreck than I already was. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? Or am I still just "over reacting"?

And you have the nerve to tell me Im the one whos wrong?


Forgive me for being concerned about your health. Forgive me for being concerned about your well being, and forgive me for putting our relationship first. I dont do things all the time because I know you wont be comfortable with them. And its not that I dont trust you, thats not it all. I dont trust the people around you.
I know no one there was sober, and I know no one was watching you. And as much as you want to tell me your best friend was watching you, he was drunk. What the hell is he going to do? Nobody there was watching over you, nobody cared.

You were being selfish. You didnt think of me, you didnt put my emotions into anything. Your only concern was getting drunk with your "friends".

I honestly dont see the appeal or attraction in drinking. I really enjoy sobriety, but maybe Im the only one.


forgive me for being concerned, and forgive me for being hurt.
But in all honesty, I have every right to be hurt, and I have every right to be mad.